I know this sounds grotesque, but we were haemorrhaging money and had to do whatever we could to stem the flow. During that time my mother moved out of our house and into her own place and I came home as infrequently as possible, staying with my father when I did. But in January , after months of complaining of pain in her side and being told by her doctor it was probably a pulled muscle, she was found to have gallbladder cancer. She spoke in a permanent whine, sometimes practically in baby talk. If you asked me what my central grievance with my mother was, I would tell you that I had a hard time not seeing her as a fraud. I know this because I was in the sleeping chair on the other side of the room, listening to it all while pretending to be asleep. For starters, her need for praise was insatiable. We expect wisdom, insight, bursts of clarity that are then reported back to the undying in the urgent staccato of a telegram: I have the answer.
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